Starry Nights
by giacinta
Summary: Sam's mind wanders as he watches the stars, but Dean is always on hand to ground him. One shot. Set in season seven.


Starry Nights.

XXXXX

Sam lay back on the hood of the car. It wasn't something he would usually do in the parking lot of a motel but there was no-one around to see, being the middle of the night with the temperature cold enough to freeze the ass off a polar bear.

He couldn't sleep; his bed had ended up looking like a battle ground as he continually tossed and turned searching for a sleep-inducing position.

Not an unusual state of affairs, he huffed to himself wryly, for between nightmares, visions, desperation, guilt, regret and now the added droning of Lucifer in his head gleefully reminding him of all that he had suffered in the Cage, sleeping had never been anything to look forward to!

X

His breath rose white and puffy into the freezing air but he welcomed the chill. Dean always baited him about giving off heat like a radiator and it was true, he preferred the cold; it focused him.

He let his mind wander and it settled on someone who he hadn't given much thought to lately; Jessica.

Despite all that had happened to him, all the pain and disillusionment he had lived through, Sam still prayed.

He was no longer the naïve Sam of three or four years ago before the Apocalypse crap, when he had truly believed that God and the angels were good guys but some spark inside him, some innate optimism that God was still out there somewhere and hadn't completely abandoned those who sought him out, still hoped and so Sam had continued to pray for all those he loved and had loved, like Jessica.

X

Brady had introduced them.

Sam had been too shy and awkward to do more than say hi but then he had accidentally collided with her in the corridors causing her to drop the arm load of books she had been carrying. He remembered how his face had flushed up and how he had apologized profusely.

She must have taken pity on his goofiness for she just smiled. He remembered smiling back and afterwards when they were together, she told him it was his smile that day that had made her fall for him; that and his cute dimples.

Beautiful, sweet, loving Jess and he had killed her as surely as if he had plunged a knife into her heart.

X

When he had found out that it was his possessed "friend" Brady that had set everything in motion and then killed her, he had seen red but somehow he had managed to control himself until they had gotten the information they had needed, then he had taken out his revenge in the alley.

Dean had stood with him, laying down the salt lines and watching his back while Sam plunged the knife into the demon's black soul, his heart aching for his true friend Brady, possessed and killed by this monster and for Jessica

Strangely enough, taking out Brady had been one of the moments that he had felt most connected to his brother. Their bond had always been strong, but that night when Dean had announced that all the angels, demons and monsters should be afraid of them, the Winchester brothers**, **the virtual chain that united them became even stronger, morphing from iron to titanium, joining them more profoundly with its unbreakable links.

Although he and Dean argued, bickered and had even come to blows, he was well aware that he would kill without a second thought anyone who laid a hand on his brother,

X

His mind went back to Jess; he could see her image before him, tall and blond and beautiful.

If she hadn't died that night, how would their life have turned out? Would he have stayed on at Stanford after the 'woman in white' hunt, like the Sam in Dean's Djinn dream world and would Jessica's love for him have held out against the knowledge of his past hunting life with Dad and Dean.

Then again he would never have had that option, for his destiny from time immemorial was to be Lucifer's vessel just as it was Dean's to be Michael's. Even if there had been slight variations in their lives, in the end it would still all have come down to the Apocalypse!

X

He stared up at the stars, not quite as bright as they were in the open country-side but still beautiful nonetheless.

Another prayer came spontaneously to his lips for all those who had died; Dad, Mom, Jess, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Pamela, the list was so long now and all those deaths had happened because they had crossed paths with the cursed Winchester brothers. How many more were slated to die just for having known them?

X

He kept his last prayer for Dean.

He had lived without his big brother twice now, the first time was when the Trickster had killed him that terrible Wednesday.

He huffed; his soul-less self had been a pale reflection of how obsessed he had become back then.

Finding the Trickster and getting Dean back had been his only agenda and he had been successful, only to lose him once again a few months later but then instead of becoming obsessed, he had fallen into the depths of despair; wretched without Dean, a drunken parody of the Sam he once was.

When the offer of his soul in exchange for Dean's was refused by a smirking demon, it had broken him completely and when Ruby had come along he had been ripe for the plucking. She had been extremely capable; manipulating him perfectly, giving and holding back just at the right times; then when she had him addicted to the blood her power over him had grown exponentially.

He shivered, but not from the cold. Dean was his anchor, if he lost him a third time, what would become of him? Perhaps that would be the moment that he finally put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

X

"A penny for them!" The unmistakable husky voice of his brother caught him unawares and Sam jumped in surprise.

"Uh… Dean. I couldn't sleep so…."

"…so you decided to freeze your ass off out here. You could at least have sat inside the car."

He yanked at one of Sam's hands." Dude, your hand is a block of ice. If you don't get back inside I'm going to have to amputate for frost-bite."

Sam's teeth flashed in a smile. It never continued to amaze him just how a few words from Dean made him feel better.

X

Dean studied him carefully. "Lucifer giving you crap, Sammy?"

"Na, strangely enough, he's not around."

"Well then, explain to me why you're out here trying to turn into an iceberg?" Dean snarked

"Just… I just needed some fresh air. It was stuffy inside."

"Sam, I can see the little cog-wheels turning in your head. Let it go dumb-ass! There's no use beating yourself up over shit you can't change!"

"Listen to who's talking," Sam bitched.

"Whatcha' mean, Sasquatch! I don't brood, that's for girly princesses like you!"

"Yeah, you just push it all down, Dean but one day you'll explode and God help anyone near you. You can't fool me with all this hard-nosed crap. I know you better than you know yourself."

"Okay, Sigmund. That's enough! I'm freezing my ass off out here. If you want me to say that we're two crazy, tangled-up sons of bitches, I will 'cos it's the plain truth, that's exactly what we are, with a list of issues as long as your freaky gorilla arm but I'm always gonna be here for you Sammy, so you're just gonna have to suck it up!"

"You promise, Dean?" Sam asked softly, the words coming out of their own volition.

"What do you think, Doofus?" Dean replied, his eyes meeting his brother's

"Your turn, Sammy," Dean asked just as unexpectedly. "Will you go off and leave me?"

"Never Dean! I once thought I could but that was a long long time ago."

X

Dean pulled himself up on the hood beside his brother, shoulders brushing and somehow the cold night air morphed into a cocoon of warm serenity.

X

XXXX The enD XXXX


End file.
